--to be read aloud in a British accent--

 

In the beginning, there was Muscle Shoals, AL, a rural Southern town on the banks of the Tennessee River, in the Land of TVA.  One early June morning in 1975, a woman named Deloris was walking those very banks. As she peered out over the rolling depths she imagined a time when wooden barges floated past the sleepy villages nearby. As she scanned the rocky banks, just ahead she found a babe wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a large piece of driftwood.

 

She called out to whoever may hear her - "Hello! Did you forget your baby pray tell?"

 

Crickets. And so as Delores lifted the baby boy to the sky, she prayed for a sign from the heavens, "Lord, if it by thy will that I may mother this child..."

 

"His name is Doug Jr!" the Lord interrupted. "Not Will. Ye shall call him Doug Jr. which means 'Seeker of light - Jr' ye though he shall make the music of the river and the heart as in the order of my servant, King David of Jerusalem." 

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And so Deloris brought Doug up in the ways of the song, teaching him all of the chords on the piano and the lyre, and teaching him the harmonies of the voice. But as Doug grew older, he desired to play other musical instruments like drums and the flute. Soon he was master of all the instruments of the land.

 

And then he started a band called Doug Jr. and The Froggers where they played happy songs while jumping across roads and streams. This inspired an early 80's video game of the same name, which was changed to "Frogger" because Atari ran out of space on the packaging.

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And so the day came where Doug was ready to leave his father and mother and cleave to a van full of other musicians like Doug, but not near as talented,  and wander the land in search of great fame and riches. But all they found was lame and witches.

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To be cont.

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